I can't believe it! I don't want to believe it! This has to be the quickest year of my life! I almost feel cheated, I had a baby for so long with Carter and it was wonderful. I feel like she grew and grew and grew way to fast! How can it be a year? I held my sweet baby girl and rocked her to sleep tonight, I just cried and cried uncontrollably. It was one of those moments that I wanted to hold on to forever I sang her lullaby over and over (she likes my voice). Just in awe of her perfect little face, and bouncy little curls, all I could think was she will be one tomorrow, ONE! Then she will be walking, then I'm going to blink and I'm suddenly going to become "embarrassing mom" "drop me off here, so no one will see you mom." I want to soak up every little word, little tooth, little step, little smile, and big giggle I can! I don't want it to stop! Why is this so hard!!!!!????
I remember it so well Father's Day 2013, my doctor said there was a chance he would call us the next morning by 6:45 am so I could be induced. I had all my bags packed trying not to get my hopes up, because I was so ready to meet this little girl that I had been waiting for my entire life to meet! The 17th comes along and at 6:45 on the nose Dr. Henley called and told me to head that way. I was so excited, but then as soon as I hit the bottom stair, there he was. My baby boy eating his breakfast, I was suddenly overwhelmed with sad tears. Oh my gosh I am about to rock this little boys world, he has had my undivided attention for 3 years and I am about to have another baby! How could I do this to him? He's not going to be the baby anymore! I can't do this, did we make a mistake? Is he ready for this? Was 3 years long enough to wait?? I remember hugging him and not wanting to let go, that's it that was the last time I would have him and only him! Once Jeff and my sister assured me that Carter would be just fine we headed to the hospital to meet our little girl!
I remember once getting there being excited and relaxed at the same time! This time it was just Jeff and I at the hospital nobody in the waiting room, just us two! The doctor came in and checked me I was 4cm! woohooo at my appointment days before that I was not even 1cm so I had been contracting on my own, so the Pitocin they were about to give was just a little help to move things along! After the Pitocin started I kept feeling contractions, but they weren't bad at all! I kept telling Jeff if they continued to be mild I might could do this with no epidural. HA! A couple of hours went by and I was making little to no progress, and he decided that we'd go ahead and break my water. I had also decided that I wanted an epidural before it was too late and before I was in too much pain. He broke my water and thankfully the dr. came in to administer my epidural at the same time because by that time I was almost in tears! Okay so were all feeling great now, around 2:30pm Jeff and I both decide to take a little nap. I woke up an hour and a half later feeling like it's go time! I told the nurse I felt like I needed to push, she checked and said "ok ok hold on don't move baby's head is right there and we don't want her falling out in the floor." Dr. Henley was there in 5 minutes then it was GO TIME! I pushed for 5 contractions and she was here the labor was textbook! At 4:41pm I laid eyes on the most beautiful little girl I had ever seen! She was healthy, and a head full of hair, with lungs that worked very well! They laid that beautiful creature on me and she stopped crying and it was instant this is my little girl, I have dreamed of her for so long and here she was more beautiful than I could have ever imagined! All I wanted to do was take in her smell and cover her in kisses!!!
I am so thankful for this precious gift! What a blessing she has been to us! I want to hold on to these precious baby years, but I am so excited to see her first dance recital, and her and I to have late night chats, slumber parties, her first makeup lesson, shopping, prom dress shopping, I have so many hopes for her! I have to remember that each stage of this precious life is a blessing.
Thank you God for this little angel, she is such a girly girl who is also fearless, she is smart, beautiful, demanding of your undivided attention, loving, precious, but boy can that girl throw a tantrum! We love you sweet Emmy Grace! Happy Happy first birthday!
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